Reach Out And Punch Face

Something must have been in the water at Fenway Park last night. The battle between the top two teams of the AL East dissolved back into what Boston/Tampa Bay baseball is supposed to be. The RedSox kicked their ass on the scoreboard, and the two teams beat the shit out of each other. Very nostalgic.

Coco Crisp was stonewalled sliding face first into second base two nights ago by shortstop Jason Bartlett's leg in front of the bag. Crisp showed his sincere appreciation later in the game in a takeout slide at second that he sold the fuck out of. Cleats pointing up at a 45 degree angle, complete body sliding past the bag, the whole thing. It was like when Stone Cold gave The Rock a stunner and Rocky flipped on his head across the ring. Simply doing it was not acceptable, it had to be over the top.

"I think I popped his sack, they were pissed. I knew I was going to get hit the next game." Crisp said.

"Then first at bat fuckin milk toast hits me with a pitch, I start to first to make the catcher fuck off, then next thing you know I'm at the mound duckin that weak shit he was bringing" he continued.

A punch that Crisp was lucky to duck, or he'd be having reconstructive surgery on his eye socket right now. That punch was coming in hard, he would have been down.

"Fuckin might as well have been hit by that, I got mugged by 25 other mother fuckers anyway. Crawford pounding on my head, I haven't been at the bottom of a pile of that many guys since that night when............ nothing." were Crisp's final awkward comments on the matter.

"I was about to approach those rapscallions and challenge them to a bout of fisticuffs" teammate J.D. Drew stated on the issue.

"I have evaded the temptation of shaving for a couple of days to show my fellow batters and hurlers that I have lightened up a little." Drew continued while searching in his locker for some Dapper Dan.

Manny Ramierez and Kevin Youkilis had a brief scuffle in the clubhouse as well, Manny needing to be restrained. Surely Kevin said something that made Manny mad awfully fast.

"Nah man, I saw Coco and Crawford and all those guys during that brawl and thought it was part of the game. I was like, ok, we're punching each other today." Manny said about the issue.

Though entertaining, this wasn't a good time for the RedSox to start a riot. With Ortiz possibly out for the rest of the reason and Manny settling into a DH slot he loves, the outfield cannot afford a Coco Crisp suspension (which is coming).

Even worse, Native American superhero Jacoby Ellsbury landed on his wrist in a bad way last night, with early moles leaking to the media he has left his full examination in a full cast. The extent of the injury is unknown, this paragraph will have an update when the official word comes out (not that anyone's fucking reading this anyway) Teh Updatez : It's all good. He'll miss a couple days, but it's a strain at the worst.