The Pittsburgh Steelers have recently agreed to an 8 year deal with Ben Handoffberger. As a coaching staff that truly knows how to appreciate the ability to hold the ball out for another player to take it, this move came as little suprise.
"Your team is up 4 points with 2 minutes remaining. It's first and 10, and Ben Roethlisberger isn't on your team. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE THE BALL TO PARKER?" Coach Mike Tomlin said in a line eerily reminiscent of the old NRA slogan.
In an attempt to pay the greatest athlete in the history of organized sports what he deserves while keeping him away from motorcycles at the same time, the Steelers came up with a unique solution.
"It's a spaceship made of money. The "magical" part is something of a myth." Tomlin admitted.
Though nobody expected the Steelers to let Handoffberger enter free agency, the length of the deal came as something of a suprise, especially with a spaceship and a guaranteed 36 million up front.
"We all lived through Tommy Maddox up here. Ben is good for morale, because even though his arm pretty much sucks, he's a big dude. If nothing else, we have the one upgrade of him LOOKING like a football player. I'm looking forward to our 45-0 season next year, this is the first team I've seen with a shot to win both the AFC and NFC championship games before the Super Bowl" commented Jerome Bettis, proudly showing his neutrality.
"In fact, on behalf of the Steelers I issue an open challenge in Honolulu this upcoming season. The Steelers vs. a hand picked team of AFC and NFC AllStars. It'll be like that movie Nowhere, Alaska. That movie is so fucking awesome" Bettis continued.
The Steelers have given little indication on their plans for the rest of the free agency period.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment