Zach Thomas Drools On Paper In Dallas

It would appear from early leaked reports linebacker Zach Thomas, formerly of the Dolphins, has agreed to a deal with the Dallas Cowboys today.

Thomas, once a monster of the gridiron putting up 20 tackle games with regularity, has been slowed down from age. Also slowing him down are multiple concussions and shots off the head, such as the one from a car accident that landed him on injured reserve last year.

"Mmmf scrmf, hng." Thomas told our reporters while flapping his arms wildly.

Thomas continued he was excited about inking an apparant 1 year, $3 million dollar deal with the Cowboys. He then became frustrated trying to open a carton of milk.

"Parcells tuna. That funny." Thomas said with a glimmer in his eyes before hurling a toy firetruck across the room. Nobody present was comfortable asking the gentle giant if he was referring to Parcells letting him go in Miami, or if he was still under the impression Parcells coached in Dallas.

Many, including myself, thought Thomas would have been a great fit in the Patriots rotation of once great middle linebackers. This would bring into question just how low the Patriots offer that was given to Thomas was.

"Five bucks." Coach Bill Belichick said. "I didn't even want him. I mean, look at him, he's fucking retarded. If he lands face first on the bottom of a pile, he'll probably suffocate because he can't figure out how to get up."

The Patriots coach continued about Thomas. "I was just hoping offering him a contract would make Specter and the rest of you Spygate turds change the subject for a God damn minute. I mean, seriously. Shut the fuck up."

"HYAAAAAH, DAT BOY GONNA GIT EM GOOD" proclaimed Cowboys coach Wade Phillips on the signing (or possibly something completely unrelated). After some awkward silence, no further comments were requested.