Who Says Soccer Is Boring?

I do. Everyone does. But hey, this story deserves some mention. That’s some wild and wacky stuff right thurr.

The New England Revolution, my local MLS team (apparently), had a very interesting flight today. En route to some stupid place to continue competition in Super Liga 2008, some shit where they suspend the MLS season for the top US clubs to battle Mexico’s finest, the Revolution, as well as the rest of the passengers (it’s fucking soccer, they don’t have their own plane, ok?) were forced to make an emergency landing in Oklahoma City.

The reason? A man, name not released and reportedly 22 years of age, decided halfway through the flight it would be fun to go to the bathroom, take all his clothes off, and come out.

“I was the first to notice him. I turned to Craig Tornberg, our general manager, and said LOOK AT THE COCK ON THAT ONE!” director Mike Burns said.

The man was talked into returning to the bathroom and putting his clothes on without physical confrontation, but after returning to his seat attempted to open the emergency door shortly therafter. This didn’t go over so well.

“Airplane? Open door? Nah. Fuck that shit.” Commented goalkeeper coach Gwynne Williams.

The rest of the team seemed to agree. The man in question was subdued and bound with tie wraps after his failed attempt to open the door.

“I don’t know if he was drinking, on pills or whatever, but dude’s got a fuckin screw loose. I mean, you don’t take your clothes off and run around on an airplane. You do that at Denny’s.” said a passenger who requested their name not be released. His name is Ian Stevens, go kick his ass.

The FBI and local officials were waiting for the questionable character in Oklahoma City. No reports have been released on what repercussions he will face, but in todays world, one would assume the penalties will be severe. If you’re going to fuck around, an airplane is pretty much the last place you want to do it in this country. People get pissed.

“FRANK AND BEANS” was the only decipherable quote uttered by the instigator.